"I Walk For So Many Reasons But The First Two Are My Daughters"
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I have personally battled ED from the summer going into third grade until I was twenty-six years old. I have been in recovery for over five years, but the time it took away from me and the amount of pain I caused myself can never be replaced. My eating disorder was hidden from the conversation, it was this huge secret that everyone knew, but no one wanted to know--me included.
My journey to where I am now has not been easy at all, but I am the happiest or most FULL I have ever been. I have made it my mission to become an ED advocate--to help others find their "FULL". To jump-start my mission a couple of years back, I started a Facebook page called Living A FULL Life (https://www.facebook.com/StrivingToBeFULLeveryday) and a blog (https://livingafulllifeaftered.com/).
What is Living A FULL life exactly? Having anorexia, bulimia, or vacillating between the two, you are emptying yourself or trying to achieve an empty feeling through starvation or purging. Living A FULL life is a life where you aren’t starving anymore—starving for acceptance and love from others and yourself. It’s a life where you are feeding your mind and soul with good thoughts and foods.
It’s a life without your eating disorder. With our eating disorders, we are empty of opportunity, growth, challenge, and possibility. Living A FULL life means filling up our lives again with immense potential, happiness, and achievement. It’s a life where you make mistakes, and you are not hard on yourself for those mistakes. A life where you are self-aware enough to go against your negative thoughts and outside your comfort zone and are able to make healthy decisions. It’s a life where you are able to nourish your body and soul with nutritious and delicious foods, and f**k it, if you want dessert, you are going to have it and not think twice. A life where you can beat your eating disorder at its own game of shame, guilt, and manipulation and realize that life isn’t a losing battle. Your battle is just a small part of you; it doesn’t define you. Once you beat it and own it so you are held accountable to yourself and others about that struggle, you will become immensely stronger and well on your way to being FULL.
Amazing things have happened to me in recovery that I couldn't have even imagined while I was struggling with ED. I now have a husband (life partner) and two beautiful daughters. My family is everything to me and keep me motivated to stay strong every day. They also want me to keep trying to make this world a better place.
I think it is so important to raise awareness about ED, and I plan to do this for the rest of my life. I want to prevent people from having to struggle for as long as I did and from having to reach the low point that I reached. I also don't want people to keep this disease a secret out of shame. It is a disease, I now know, despite the negative stigmas that are often associated with it. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! I want people to live their lives authentically and be proud of who they are and realize there is life outside of their eating disorder, and you will be much stronger because of it. Recovery is so possible (whether it be through a treatment center, Maudsley Approach etc.--everybody’s journey to FULL is different) and you are worth it. All of us are!
Thank you so much for your support. Always remember, you are enough.
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